ENGLISH CAN BE COMPLICATED

In 1887 a Polish physician Ludwik L Zamenhof invented a language that he called “Esperanto” hopefully to  make it become a world language. The name is based literally on the need for hope. It died a quick death  as a common language but, from my viewpoint, has been replaced by English . Our language can be found in use throughout the world, by people of all races and religions, but it is not easy to completely understand and I intend to try and explain why.

“Homograph” are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is pronounced differently is a “heteronym” This took a lot of work to put together and I compliment the person who did it. I wish it was me.

1)   The bandage was “wound” around the “wound”. 2)The farm was used to “produce” “produce”. 3) The dump was so full that it had to “refuse” more “refuse”. 4) We must “polish” the “Polish” furniture. 5). He could “lead” if he got the “lead ” out. 6) The soldier decided to “desert” his dessert in the “desert”.7) Since there is no time like the “present”, he thought it was time to “present” the “present”.8) A “bass” was painted on the head of the “bass” drum. 9) When shot at the “dove” “dove” into the bushes. 10) I did not “object” to the “object”. 11) The insurance was “invalid” for the “invalid” 12) There was a “row” amoung the oarsmen about how to “row”. 13) They were too “close” to the door to “close” it. 14) The buck “does” funny things when the “does” are present. 15) A seamstress and a “sewer” fell down into a “sewer” line. 16). To help with the planting, the farmer taught his “sow” to “sow”. 17) The” wind” was too strong to “wind” the sail. 18) Upon seeing the “tear” in the painting, I shed a “tear”. 19) I had to “subject” the “subject” to a series of tests. 20) How can I “intimate” this to my most “intimate” friend.

Lets face it- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren`t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers dont fing, grocers don't groce and hammers dont ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital. Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.

There is a saying that at one point in history the sun never set over the British Empire. That, I believe, was the time that the English language was taught to many, and had staying power and still has.

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